Ever got a braid, a tattoo or your hair coloured on a whimsical vacation? Or better still a one time encounter with a stranger which lasted only until the trip lasted? That’s exactly what tourist braids are! Fun but risky, on the spur decisions taken when you are away from your daily routine and the usual role you play in life.
It’s like living in a bubble, with rose tinted glasses on. It’s a heavy cocktail mix of thrill of the unknown and newness of the place all rolled into one. You know it’s shortlived but you want to make the most of it while it lasts without thinking of the detachment pain or the consequences of your impromptu actions. Here you can be just you, without the labels, roles and relationships attached. It’s like living your best life or bachelor days all over again, although briefly.
And crawling back from this getaway into your routine feels like one big Monday morning blue. It’s that sinking feeling of being forced to work from office after a hiatus. A time travel back into normalcy – daily commute, familial roles and other responsibilities take over. Slowly, steadily the memory, charm and daze of the braids fades away. And all you are left with is your original hairstyle. The one you identify with, the one people identify you with and the one which is your identity!
End of an era. Death of a relation. Cessation to thrive. Expiration of feelings. Termination of exchanges. Completion of dettachment. Conclusion in unsaid goodbye. Finale of fading memory. Grave of dreams. Gone too soon.
Thanking the universe for conspiring. Grateful for the moments. Blessed with the memories. Appreciative of the growth. Beholden for the words. Indebted to bring out the best. Obliged to share world. Glad our paths crossed.
The great fall
Tears would not flow. Moments won’t be recollected. Words shall not be exchanged. Voices shall be a thing of the past. Harsh but only option. Dead end of sorts. Yearning, longing, everything can be shelved. Immerse in yourself, outwardly busy, inwardly lost.
A not so happy ending, once again. History repeats, roles reverse. ‘cos what is not meant to be never will be. Closing the paths to heart, the fancies of mind and the longing of soul with a finale. A tribute to finding peace not promises. A mission to let bygones be bygones. An operation to erase what was, hope not and let the memories fade out, once more.
Move over conventional travel, here comes slow, mindful, self-aware tourism. It’s really not the new kid on the block but rather a return to how travel used to be a few decades ago. Albeit bit more nuanced and deliberate. Coming from and as a trend that weary busy bees want to manifest for themselves as a break from dready time bound work weekdays.
Since everyday life is laced with a million tasks and multitude of decisions, all one wants is a break from the madness. Moments of silence, tranquility and peace is what is desirable. One wants to wander but with intent and mindfulness. One wants to explore but with purpose. One wants to relax but listen to untold stories, walk the unknown paths and relish hyper-local delicacies in the company of local dwellers.
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So it increasingly becoming common to choose sky watch over night life, idling over actively alert and alleys and bylanes over algorithmic itineraries. Monuments like monastries which allow to immerse and not just passively see are preferred. Apart from popular cultural tags like dance and music, one wants to pick the local language. Picking up cherishables that are hand crafted and produced in small batches are desired over mass printed t-shirts in all sizes for the entire clan. Smaller towns have such and many more local legacy to explore so what go down the crowded path.
Slowly but steadily experiences that are personal would be chosen by those that are performative. Once, again and always.
Monotone, platonic, never-changing, always the same. Sounds boring right? Then why do we expect our relationships to be such. Why do words like change, newness, disruption cause us cold feet?
Relationships are like living organisms. They are never stable. Whether it’s with your partner, friends, parents or siblings. Each relation is like an organism that has its own wishes, fancies and moods. The equation can undergo change in due course of time. It can change multiple times, with its own highs and lows, in’s and out’s. Stay unpurterbed as the true nature of a relation is to evolve, morph and take the shape of your lifestyle, milestones and other key aspects of life.
Sometimes just looking at the equation with a critical pair of eyes helps. A fresh Point of View always helps. Something that worked in the past is no longer relevant while something that didn’t work might now be a huge hit. Thus it’s a mistake to write off any relationship and burn bridges completely. Never give up on the partnership you got as it is never a lost cause. The time you invested is always going to get you a return of equity. Infact it’s a wealth of wisdom, memories and shared experiences you have built together. There are pearls of wisdoms ingrained in your subtle memory, today or tomorrow they would make you a better version of you.
Tomorrow always brings the opportunity to start afresh. Thus tidying over the weather is in everyone’s best interest, especially yours to make the gains both tangible as well as intangible.
There are times when all the positive talks, motivational podcasts, self-help books and even in person talks leave you only more unmotivated. It’s like going through a dark phase of life when you loose all hope. All seems lost, everything seems to drain your energy and every interaction is something you want to run away from. In such moments, nothing seems possible and even moving a lomb seems like a herculean task.
But like every dark cloud has a silver lining, there is light after darkness, day after night and spring after the long winter is gone. When you feel you are in the darkest, dullest and deepest phase of life, be grateful and hang on. Cos it can’t be any worse now, now is going to be only uphill, brighter days and lovelier moments. So hang in tight and keep your head above water until the inflection point arrives.
Life is cyclical, don’t be harsh!
So that one moment, one person, one interaction or one line you read or hear somewhere is going to be your life raft. Your ray of hope. Your float jacket which would bring a newness in everyday life. It wouldn’t bring earth shattering change but would make you move more, live more and be more. You would start taking baby steps, quite literally towards using your time better, using your body and brain better. And slowly spring would blossom into full blown summer where you would peak and shine.
& since impermanance is the name of the game, this also wouldn’t last long. Be ready for the cyclical autumn to set in and take it in your stride now that you now that after winter is a spring!
The fuck it forties – a unique yet apt title by a friend who is almost finished sailing through her fourth decade around the sun. Maybe, maybe not, but anyways may your aging be as exciting as this time bucket list! So I am continuing to jot down the accomplishments that every woman should aim to get under her belt before turning 40.
Do your bit for the nature. Afterall we got only one planet earth as there is no plan B. So start small by saving electricity, sorting your garbage, switching to sustainable products and practices. Then take some formal steps with like minded folks, the local community and be a sustainability champion whom people follow even IRL.
Build basic knowledge of your spiritual scriptures. Maybe you are god-fearing, maybe you are not. In either ways, a good thorough read of your religious scriptures might leave you with a deep understanding of philosophy, way of life and a know-how of how to navigate daily life. So whatever be your spiritual awareness level today, consuming bite sized information would only add dimension to your aging!
Do nothing day. Yes you heard it right, mark it on your calendars and swear by it. Think of it as a day of ‘paid time off’ from your role and titles. If you are a home-maker, do no chores on this day. If you are employed or self-employed, take a day off spend time on a hobby deeply. If you are a new mom, just ditch childcare and pamper yourself by stepping out in your finest outfits!
Friend date. Because finding a date is hard work but friends are always here for you! So step out with your girlfriend and have a gala time.
Bike. Or if you are a biker girl, gear up and push the pedal (or the gear). After all who doesn’t like the thrill of breeze in your hair, some sweat on the forehead and a freewheeling ride down the neighbourhood.
Grow a plant. There is no greater wonder in the world than watching a living being grow. So sow some seeds or invest in a sapling from the friendly nursery and start nurturing the plant. Build it into your daily routine and be proud of keeping it alive & thriving as a responsible adult.
Hike. Being in nature is a natural endorphin booster. A cheap and free dose of feel good with some cardio and fresh air to top it with.
DIY. Build something with your own hands, from scratch. It could be as simple as an origami craft, a new recipe or a lovely crochet that you have saved on your pinterest board since long.
Handywoman. Spend a day with the toolbox and go all around the house fixing all the loose screws & hanging nuts and bolts. As they say a stitch in time saves nine, derive some sense of accomplishment by being the lady version of a ‘handyman’.
Face yoga. Aging but wanting to age with grace. Then find some good source of face yoga, the basic ones which use muscle pull without using fancy equipments or more investments than what you already have. & thank me later for saving you a million in face lifts and tucks which your dermatologist would have earned instead.
Do you love your nation? Do you feel proud to be a citizen? In short are you patriotic?
While it’s natural to crib, complain and curse the state of affairs, afterall we all do love our soil, our nation and our country. It’s like a love hate relationship going on. Looking constantly at the shortcomings in order to get better and be better. Isn’t that logical when we love someone? We keep the same attitude towards ourselves, our partner, our kids and any near & dear one who we want to be cheering for. So don’t blame yourself for constantly being annoyed by what your country haas done for you – it shall improve and you truly would be a part of that success story.
All eyes on the flag!
So now that we have established that you indeed are a nation-lover, what do you think it means to you? To sing songs, participate as an audience in community programs, wishing folks on celebrated days and maybe even making sure you plan something around such specials days.
Or is it paying your taxes on time, sorting your garbage, being an active participant in community drives and sharing ‘nationalist knowledge’ in the form of forwards to all your connects.
Or does it go beyond to do your bit to keep the environment clean, teach your next generations to value our heritage, keep culture like food, dressing, language alive and support local artisans and artisinal endeavours.
Where ever you are in your journey of country-love, remember what J F Kennedy said, “Ask not what the country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!”
The furious fourties – a decade where you are neither young nor old. More like a sandwich situation. The recount of my sisterhood who have hit this milestone of aging range from liberating to imprisoning. Seems the fourth decade around the sun is infact a double-edged sword. Forewarned is forearmed, so here is a time bucket list of accomplishments that every woman should aim to get under her belt before turning 40!
Solo travel. From something as exotic as a mountain sojourn to something as reasonable as a stay-cation in the home city – being on your own hits differently. You are unattached from the various roles you play, rediscovering yourself as an individual. The quiet, the solitude, the unknown, the discoveries – you can own them all. Bonus – it does wonder for your self confidence.
Meditate. While levitating seems out of the world but meditating can help channelise your blocked energies and find a vent out. A peaceful one where you can let go of your thoughts and train your mind for strength. So start practising a few minutes of quiet everyday, allow mindfulness to engulf you.
Day out with the maiden family. Plan some block of time with your parents and siblings, just like old times. Bond over memories forgotten, rummage through childhood treasures or just spend time at leisure with each other cosying up over nostalgic food and wine. Bonus it’s a huge dopamine dose without burning hole in the pocket.
Give back to society. Start finding means to volunteer your time and efforts. Chose a cause close to your heart – beach clean up, teaching underprivileged kids or caring for silver citizens. Deploy your skills at a not-for-profit organization and make the world around you a better place. One day at a time.
Join a sports group. Pick up your favourite sport – indoor or outdoor and start bonding with like minded folks over it. Give yourself another social channel to mingle at and since it’s a game the cognitive and physiological benefits are yours to reap anyways.
Find your poison
Girls only itinerary. Invest in thrills and frills with your girl gang. Spend time with your sisterhood exploring diverse interests from wine-tasting to knitting to glamping. Splurge, spend or save – choice is yours. Idea is to cosy up with your favourite women and leave your worries behind.
Try a new hobby. You think you can’t paint – then pick up a brush and learn. You think reading is too boring then join a bookclub. Or you find baking cumbersome, look for a baking guru whose sessions can inspire your inner pattiserrie. Giving a diverse, completely untried activity a hand unlocks new neural circuits in your brain. You never know it could even unleash a hidden Picasso or a nimble Nigella within you.
Adrenaline adventure. Before you are labelled too old (or your knees give away) catch the thrills of jumping, gliding, crawling! Go on all fours or riding an ATV. Find a junkie sport and give it a shot. Afterall you won’t be this young forever so why wait.
Teach something formally. Ofcourse you got skills, you got knowledge and you are armed with information then why withhold it. Pass it on to others formally, it could be handwriting, making pickes, a long forgotten art of embroidery or just public speaking. There are takers for everything in today’s world. This experience of putting yourself out there and imparting your skill is both liberating and learning at the same time.
Downtime with your child before they turn a tween/teen. Perfect time to catch them ripe as the child is neither a dependent kid neither a superbly detached self-proclaimed teen sensation. Re-discover a theme park, join a night sky watching group or just go camping in the woods. Go painting at the beach or just run a movie marathon night. Create memories to last them a lifetime!
Confidence is intrinsic. It’s innate to one’s nature and varies in degree and intensity, even in an individual from one situation to another. Just like self esteem and ego. Confidence can’t be shopped, borrowed or even stolen to adorn on oneself. Then why the need to constantly augment one’s confidence with external accesories and labels. Or is it that we hide our flaws behind those luxury tags and branded clothes? Wonder if it’s cherry on the cake or we have mistaken it to be the cake itself?
But then first impressions do matter. Isn’t that what the convent-read and defence-bred creed was taught. However we may say and like to believe, a book does get judged by its cover and more often than not is then classified to be put on a shelf with its peers. There is a fitting image to live upto – man or woman – and if you don’t live upto it you are bound to get labelled as ‘too simple’, ‘too basic’ and so on. Glamming up has become an ‘it’ thing. It’s the definition of success, of having arrived at the scene. Flaunting has come to be synonymous with one’s lifestyle, though most times it’s only style sans substance.
Humans have always been vain. But growing economies have definitely given our materialist side a boost. Constant imagery, information overload and name dropping has bolstered consumption. To an extent that shoes have become synonymous with Air Jordans and bags are known as Berkins and so on. Good for the capitalist economy and nation’s wealth building. Bad if it becomes a habit and a shortcut to derive a sense of self worth. ‘You’re worth it’ plays right into our minds and hands that we reach for spending even without a genuine need.
Digital platforms which started out naively as socialization hubs are now redefining living standards. Ofcourse these are air-brushed and over-exited media but that fact seems to be lost in all the noise the algorithm pushes towards us. Day after day, hyper-touched and nearly impossible adverts play it out to impressionable minds that you too should aspire for being glamourous, being famous and becoming a sort of mini-celebrity in your circle.
So this is how we landed here. In a constant race to gather more, flaunt more or drop more. Dripping is essential else you get dropped out of this race. In this madness, we have also lost the sense of empathy and kindness. Often judging people by their outfits than their mannerism and thoughts. Aren’t we left swiping way to early than giving others a chance?
Nothing can beat one’s inner glow. Glow of knowledge, awareness charm and smile. Not advocating a pyjamas lifestyle nor stating that self care is all vain. A basic hygiene routine and looking put together is needless to say the bare minimum. And beyond that arming with bright smile, wit and general update about the happenings in business and world is good enough. Ofcourse this requires more patience to acquire as it’s can’t be shelf bought. Need more discipline to assimilate information and make your own assessment of the same. Imperative to chime in more time and effort to imbibe such a lifestyle which is deep, meaningful and sustainable.
So dress to impress but only for yourself. Carve your niche, stay bold, confident and stay true to your unique set of values. As they say you do you and let the world go by!
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